If you’ve ever coached—or raised—a teenager, you already know: they can be both your little bestie and completely exhausting. Often at the same time.
As a gym owner, a mom of four (three out of the house, and one 15-year-old still at home), and a longtime Senior team coach, I’ve had a front-row seat to the chaos. Teenagers will test your patience – without a doubt. But once you understand how they’re wired, it stops feeling personal—and starts feeling manageable.
The Teenage Brain: Why None of This Is Shocking
Knowing this would’ve saved me a few meltdowns early on:
- The prefrontal cortex is… unavailable.
Planning, decision-making, impulse control—none of that is fully online until the mid-20s.
So when a teen says something that makes you cringe, panics before a fullout, or makes deeply questionable personal choices—it’s not rebellion. It’s incomplete brain wiring. Doesn’t excuse everything, but it does explain a lot. (Someone remind me of this next time I get an eye roll for telling my child to clean her room.) - The amygdala is doing too much.
This is the emotional control center, and during the teen years, it’s basically running the entire show. The tears over a missed tumbling pass? The dramatic huff after a small correction? That’s not “being extra”—it’s chemistry. - Dopamine is the currency.
“Read messages”, Snaps, stunt hits—teens chase dopamine like it’s a job.
You can either roll your eyes at it or use it to your advantage, and I’ve chosen the latter! Rewards, shoutouts, and basic team games work—not because teens are immature, but because their brains are hardwired to respond to that hit.
Peers Run the Court
What teens think of each other > what they think of you. That’s just reality.
I’ve seen athletes believe a teammate is the point jumper or best tumbler on the team when their skills actually faded six months ago. Because that’s how peer perception works. They hear me say once or twice how amazing someone’s jumps are, and they begin to believe that’s the best jumper on the team…even if others are actually surpassing those skills.
So instead of resisting it, make it part of the plan:
- Let your seniors with great character lead huddles when the team’s having an off day.
- Use high-character athletes to model what you want to see.
- Ask for input—they’ll bring others with them and get them on board.
Coaching Without Fully Losing It
Once you understand what’s happening in their heads, you stop reacting and start coaching on purpose.
- Don’t match their chaos. Freaking out when they freak out = more freaking out. Stay calm.
- Explain things. “Because I said so” doesn’t land with the teens. They’ll just crash out. Give the why. Facts calm emotions.
- Train your staff. Especially if they’re barely out of teenage-dom themselves. Knowing this stuff shifts how they coach—and how they’re perceived as young coaches themselves.
Big Picture Stuff
Teenagers will make you want to rip your hair out from time to time. But caving into that leaves you bald (sorry if you feel attacked, Dan…) But teens are also smart, funny, and wildly capable—if you can outlast the mood swings.
Every time you stay calm, explain instead of snap, or actually listen—you’re helping shape someone. Not just an athlete, but a decent human. And that part sticks.
So when they walk in late, forget the entire pyramid, or roll their eyes so hard you hear it—take a second. Their brains are still under construction. Coach accordingly.
