Something I see often in “Cheer Mom” Facebook groups is parents complaining that the coach isn’t giving fair treatment and opportunities to all athletes on the team. I even see parents go so far as to say a coach literally “hates” their child. While I myself can’t imagine “hating” a child I coach, I can attest that I think coaches do find favorites from time to time: 

1. Coaches favor athletes who work hard. 

I can 100% agree that athletes who can stay focused and work hard at practice and at home are easier to coach, and it’s exciting to see their progress. I remember coaching an athlete about 10 years ago who was working so hard on a back handspring. Her legs had just grown, and she was a bit awkward in stature at the time. Though she’d get down at times about it taking so long, she never gave up. That athlete graduated high school last year, and I still remember tearing up the first time she did her back handspring by herself. It was so rewarding to see her joy in that moment. She ended up quitting cheer the next year and moving over to dance (she had done both for many years, and it was becoming taxing on the family). Every so often at a football game, as I watched the poms team do their routines, I saw her catch me in the crowd with a big smile. I knew I had made just as big of an impact on her as she did on me. Was she my favorite? Well, I try not to have those … but special moments with your athletes are undeniable.

2. Coaches favor athletes who hold themselves accountable. 

Accountability requires a level of maturity that some athletes develop faster than others. I, myself, was not an athlete who easily admitted when I was the problem. A stunt would fall, and I assumed the flyer had done something wrong. I was a count behind in dance, and I’d assume everyone else was ahead. Some kids are just wired that way, and it took me 30 years to figure out that I was, in fact, the problem. But truly, I probably have more patience for these kids than most because I was that kid. Nevertheless, I coach an athlete now, and when a stunt isn’t going right, I can say to her, “Bella, you’re holding the foot too close to your chest and need to pull it away to give the secondary base a chance to stabilize the foot.” She’ll respond, “Oh yeah, you’re right. I can’t feel it, but I am sure I’m probably doing that.” She’s humble. She’s accountable to herself and her teammates, and that’s a kid who I find easy to coach.

3. Coaches favor athletes who are good team players. 

When your best jumper ends up in the back of jumps, it’s disappointing for sure. When the best flyer isn’t doing the most challenging skills in pyramid, it’s often just as hard for coaches as it is for the athletes and their parents. Nevertheless, a great athlete is one who understands the limitations of the routine’s choreography and that it’s important to provide opportunities for everyone—even if that means they’re not in every part of the routine they love. I have 155 all star kids. This includes my half-year novice, full-year novice, prep and elite kids (yes, I know some of you don’t count all kids in, but I count everyone who gets a uniform and joins us at competition). That often means we have athletes on a team who don’t have the tumbling skills, but are a valuable asset to the team in some other way. That also means some of my best stunters have to tumble during a stunt section or pyramid because you don’t need all 15 athletes and can easily get in a few more running passes in that moment. It’s hard when an athlete who loves stunting doesn’t get to stunt, but it’s amazing when that same athlete cheers on those stunting because they understand it’s the team’s stunts. It’s not Addy’s stunt group or Skylar’s stunt group. It’s 3rd Degree’s stunt group. Even more … it’s Twisters’ stunt group. 

4. Coaches favor athletes who can express their feelings productively. 

I’ll preface this by saying I coach a mini team this year. While it’s harder for the littles to express emotions and feelings, even littles are capable of expressing them productively and respectfully. One of my minis had a big family party last weekend. Mom messaged me seven minutes before practice on Sunday and asked if there was any chance they could leave an hour early to be able to attend a portion of the party. Unfortunately, sickness has hit my minis hard, and it was going to be one of the first weeks since school started that we’d have a full team for stunting. I told Mom we really needed her there, and Mom honored my request. When the seven-year-old arrived at practice, she was angry. Someone else may not realize that because she wasn’t rude or disrespectful. However, I knew she was upset because it wasn’t her normal demeanor. At one point, I even went to tell Mom, “Hey, I know she’s upset. Thank you for understanding.” Mom immediately asked if she had been rude to me about it. I affirmed that she was being kind and respectful, but that I noticed she was down, and I understood. Coaches pull for athletes like this. Grace made me want to shift around a few things just so she could leave 20 minutes early. Can I do that every week? Probably not, but because she was so respectful in spite of her feelings, I was pulling for her in any way I could.

I think it’s important to note that many athletes just haven’t developed the maturity to do these four things yet. On my U17 team, I have a girl who we’ve coached since she was a tiny. She’s now a sophomore. Until this year, I couldn’t vouch for her on all four of these qualities, but I understood this maturity was just going to take time. A parent told me last year that others said I favored her. I was actually shocked by this because the first memories that came to mind were of all the times this athlete didn’t do those four things above. However, I was confidently able to tell the parent, “I don’t know that I’d say I favor anyone on the team, but I can tell you some athletes have the maturity to be great teammates and great athletes to coach. I think she has developed a lot of those skills in the last 10 years.”

So coaches, don’t get frustrated when parents say you’re favoring athletes. However, I’d urge you to educate them on what you love and appreciate in your team members. Tell them what values you find in athletes that make them great to coach and make you look forward to coming to practice each week.