Years ago, our gym had a large family with five girls. One had recently graduated, three were in all star, and the littlest was in recreational tumbling classes with us. The girls, whose parents were divorced, were starting to get older and go in different directions. The oldest was living with mom, the next two were living with dad, and the youngest was going back and forth. The season started to come to an end, and as usual, the chatter began of who would return and who would not. But this time, I heard unusual rumors I had never heard before: The two who were living with dad were going to head over to the gym down the street for the next season while the oldest was going to continue cheering for us. Essentially, this family would have girls at two different gyms in town.
Not only is this a strange situation, but the following season was complicated. I wasn’t totally sure how to navigate it other than to keep my feelings out of it. I wasn’t willing to give any opinions. In fact, I’m sure my opinions would have been obvious. “Why would they possibly leave my gym, and if they did, why wouldn’t they all go?” However, it wasn’t my place to have this conversation.
Handling a Season With Divided Loyalties
Recently, I’ve seen a few gym owners (and a few “crazy moms of cheer”) considering this exact scenario. So, I’ll tell you how we handled it as a staff that season.
Clear and Early Communication
First, I made sure our competition schedule was out early and that it was incredibly clear what the expectations for practice times, competition travel and community performances would be. This was actually the first season I was that organized and forthcoming with the information, and it was in large part because of this situation. It turned out to be a great thing I’ve kept up with for every year since.
Being Accessible to Families
Secondly, I made sure we were not just reminding the kids about upcoming competitions and sending out the schedules, but that I would be present in the gym for practices leading up to competitions. I made sure the parents could see me and ask any questions or notify me of conflicts early. If you’re coaching teams every night of the week, delegate someone else to be in charge of this. I’m sure, like me, you’re not easily able to hop off a team for a conversation with a parent, so the idea of “my door is always open” isn’t realistic. It’s open, but your office is empty!
Proactively Addressing Potential Conflicts
Finally, I had an honest conversation with both parents (well, the mom and stepmom) early in the season. I stuck to the facts: “Hey, I saw both gyms are competing in different locations on January 17-18. Do you have a plan for that weekend, or will [Suzy] be traveling with someone else?” Sure, I could have just assumed they had it under control and that it wasn’t my problem, but I honestly am doing the same this year for parents who have one child in the Nutcracker and the other at a competition. There is no harm in being helpful while also pointing out early on that they’re likely to have a conflict—in case they didn’t recognize it yet themselves.
Keep Your Emotions Out of It
The biggest advice I can give here is to keep your emotions out of it. I’m sure you’ll feel hurt. I’m certain people will start drama as they give you every little detail about how the kids are doing down the street. There will likely be rumors that the other sister will head there next year too. In fact, I’m certain all this is happening at the other gym as well. It’s not an ideal situation, but it’s not your situation to figure out. You will likely feel uncomfortable when the siblings show up at your practices, showcase and competitions, but remember that they’re kids and move past it.
Be kind. Be the loving coach they remember. You know what happened for us? The sisters stayed there one season and then came back to our gym. In fact, the older sister moved on to other high school activities, so it wasn’t even so they could all be together again. They just missed our gym.
Focus on Your Current Athletes
Even if the siblings don’t return or you lose all of them to the gym down the street, remember to focus on your own athletes. Think of the ones who stayed and create a tunnel-vision focus on those kids. If you need to “hide” Facebook posts and ask your parents not to spread further information to you for your own mental state, do it. I’ve asked parents not to give me updates plenty of times. I let them know I care about the child, but it’s still too fresh, and I just need a little time before I can have those conversations again. It’s OK to let parents know you care about your former athletes and you’re sad not to see them every day, but in the end, you’ve got a lot of kids who are at your gym for a reason. Be kind to everyone and put your top focus on your own current athletes.
