If you’ve got the pit in the bottom of your stomach and you’re not quite sure if you’re angry, sad or frustrated (you’re probably all three at once), then I know what the problem is. This time of year, we all get the same feeling when we lose an athlete who has been with us a long time. Over the last 10 years, I’ve lost:
- Kids who came to me with barely a forward roll and left with fulls to be on level 4-5 teams.
- Kids who had never heard of all star before they enrolled at my gym and left because mom was friends with another mom who was leaving.
- Kids who left to be a flyer on someone else’s team because they weren’t going to fly this year at my gym.
- Kids who left to be a flyer and got a spot basing on the same level and age division they would have based with me.
- Kids who left when I had no earthly idea something was wrong.
We want to justify in our minds why these kids are leaving and “shame on them for not sticking through it”, but I can be the first to tell you – as a parent, it’s such a hard choice.
No, I’m not a mom who opened a gym. I was a coach who missed coaching and opened a gym after the dance studio in town told me they had no interest in starting a cheer program. Then, I became a mom. However, once you become a parent, you see things so differently.
Parents want the best for their kids. Now, WHAT the best is – can be up for debate. Is the best…
- The appropriate age division and level
- A team where the child isn’t the oldest or most advanced so HE or SHE can be pushed by others
- A fresh chance to make a new impression and impress new coaches
I’m the parent of a 12-year-old who spent 6 years at level one. She was already working on her tuck by the time she was able to move up to level 2. We had a super small all star program, and no other kids her age had the same skills. Yet, over the years I’d get frustrated when parents of kids with similar skills would leave for another gym or other sport.
In hindsight I can see how a parent might be frustrated that their child has essentially “capped out” at this age. It’s super common in small gyms. If you have a 6 year old who is super talented, but you only have a mini level 1 team, there is only so much you can do. You can do what I did, which is make their individual growth a priority and do your best to provide them opportunities for solos and individual competitions on top of the team events, but sometimes it won’t be enough.
Sometimes you’ll have the right teams for an athlete, and it won’t be enough.
Sometimes they need a change of scenery, a change of pace and no matter how great your coaching is – they need to hear someone else say the same stuff. Guess what? It’ll drive you a little nuts, but sometimes that change is just what they need to grow.
When we get new athletes from gyms who get skills right away and seem to really thrive, we want to believe it’s because we’re such amazing programs. (You probably are!) Also though, it’s because that athlete just got a change of pace and an opportunity to shine for someone new. Their former gym likely told them to make all the same changes to their skills you did, but their voices had grown monotone for that athlete.
So remember – as owners we need to live by fact and only allow ourselves to embrace the feelings for a short period of time. Living by feelings will kill your business. So, accept that your longtime athlete has left. Try to understand that parents are doing the best they can navigating through the tricky world of all star. Remember that this is JUST cheerleading. (Yes, I said that.) That athlete should never feel awkward saying hi to you at the store when you bump into one another.
One of my first ever athletes left a few years back. We had a really incredible bond as she grew up. I was her power of attorney in case something happened to her parents. That’s how close our gym was to this family. She left our gym (a 5-minute drive) for a 45 minute drive to level up. I was hurt and angry for a few years. Then I realized her mom was just trying to do for her what she thought was best.
Last week I sat at a booth at a local steakhouse. Guess who my server was. None of the frustration that she left my gym came back. All the feelings of love and bonding did though. Don’t ever leave something on bad terms. You never know who your next server might be or who will grow up and thank you for everything you did for them as a child.
