Until I had kids, I had a hard time really connecting with my cheer parents. It’s not that I didn’t understand kids—heck, I had coached for many years already. I’ve also seen this struggle in several coaches in my gym and heard it from many coaches within Next Gen. Here are a few questions I had about parents before having kids of my own and how my perspective has shifted.
Why can’t they ever be on time?
To be honest, it’s not that hard. If you live 15 minutes from the gym, leave 20 minutes early, right? Well, that’s what I thought too … until I had to get Meghan to practice and Addy was still nursing. You can’t exactly drive a car while feeding a cranky baby.
What about the time I took Meghan to soccer practice, and she threw up all over my car because grandma took her for ice cream after school and didn’t realize she had just been diagnosed as lactose intolerant? She was not only late that day, but they were lucky she showed up at all.
What about the time the garage door wouldn’t open? … I didn’t realize the chain was off, and I had no idea how to fix it, so my car was stuck in the garage until Justin could walk me through it. Even the most punctual person would struggle with those circumstances.
Why can’t they show up with the right practice clothes?
I mean … the first one probably gives you a good indication, but I’ll also say I’m a planner. So when I lay out clothes the night before only to find out I accidentally put Addy’s practice T-shirt in Conner’s drawer and laid out a YXS instead of a YL … well, that’s why he had a random Pokemon shirt on for practice that day. How about the time I thought I started the dryer before work, but all the clothes were still wet?
What about when the gym has black practice T-shirts, and they seem to look like every other black T-shirt in the drawer, so you accidentally grab the wrong one, thinking you’re all set—until you’ve got a kid crying because they’ll have to do push ups?? Seriously, kids can flip your life upside down, but these are all just normal things. Imagine a working mom and dad with multiple children just trying to hold down the fort and worried that they grabbed the wrong T-shirt and their child will be punished at practice.
Last year, I had a sixth grader forget her entire uniform when we competed in Tulsa. She was there for hip hop, so only our hip hop dancers themselves had those uniforms. Some people were upset we had to make last-minute costume adjustments. I sat back, thinking it was a hard lesson but that athlete would likely never forget anything ever again.
Why can’t they pick up their kids on time?
Has your practice ever run over a few minutes? I bet it has … so did little brother’s Cub Scout meeting or little sister’s parent-teacher conference. You can rest assured that Mom probably stressed the entire way back to the gym to pick up her child. (Yes, I know, some parents are much too laid back to show that, and some truly may not understand that your staff doesn’t naturally stay at the gym until 10 p.m. to clean up anyway, so they don’t feel rushed one bit … but I’d say those parents are few and far between.)
Before we lived right next to the gym, I remember two kids who had to be picked up for an ROTC competition at a high school 15 minutes away at the exact same time as two other kids had to be picked up from two other practices—one at the public community center and one at my gym. Of all the places I’d feel safe leaving my kid, hopefully your gym is at the top of my list. It’s not likely I’m leaving an 8-year-old at a public community center or two kids at a high school waiting outside after dark. However, if your gym is like mine where we will never let kids wait in a parking lot alone, that’s likely where I’m going to pick up last.
Why can’t they just read emails?
I’m guilty of this complaint … a lot actually. I send a great weekly email that has tons of information—everything you need to know to set your calendar for the season, but my open rate is just 80% on a weekly basis. (Actually I’m not complaining about that, but I am looking at who didn’t open it. If it’s the same people for a few weeks, we reach out and ask if they’d like it sent to an alternate email as well.)
But when my daughter did swim a few years ago, I was literally that parent. I was so busy trying to run a business (multiple actually), that the coach finally just asked me to Venmo him and he set up my USA Swim account himself. The day before a meet, I’d finally look at the schedule. That morning, I’d look at the address. On the way there, I’d look at how much money I needed to get in. Yes, we were late once because ‘ya girl can’t carry cash to save her life. In my defense, I was running a gym with 600 athletes of my own. I was struggling to stay organized.
In their defense, they’ve got jobs and other kids as well. Life happens. Some people (gym owners included) let their email pile up so long they don’t even want to open it. So, they hop onto BAND or your team Facebook group, and they ask the question.
Why do they have to get so involved?
This was actually a hard one for me until recently. We’ve always had junior and senior teams with very involved parents. I’d say about 80% of my junior and senior parents stay to watch practices. You are probably shocked by that, but this year I realized why. Two of our kids have graduated high school. One works full time in Warrensburg, but he’s busy. We don’t get to see him all the time. The other left earlier this spring for the Air Force. Meghan is a senior graduating in December and hoping to leave for active duty Air Force in January. We’ve just got one child of our own left in the house. (Those stories I shared at the beginning … that all feels like it was yesterday.)
Time is a thief. It goes so quickly that you’ll blink and your kids are grown up and gone. So, the past couple years, as our boys graduated and moved on, it hit me like a ton of bricks. I don’t want to miss anything. I will be at every single game. Need help with your hair for Friday’s game? I’m there. Need a ride to tennis on Saturday morning at 8 a.m.? I’ve got this. Want me to come sit in on the Veteran’s Day assembly to watch you hold a flag? I wouldn’t miss it.
This year, I coach my youngest at Twisters, but I don’t coach her in high school sports. So if I have the chance to bring breadsticks for their weekly pre-game tailgate, you know I’ll be there. Heck, if it wasn’t weird, I’d probably go watch her practices. (I actually plan to arrive way too early for pick up later this week just so I can watch her play tennis since she won’t get to do a match this season due to conflicts with high school cheer.) If I could sit through a three-hour practice just to be a part of something with my kid, I would.
So, what you think is crazy … I think is wise. Soak it all in, moms and dads. Time is short. If you feel like parents are getting too involved, tomorrow I’ll give you a few tips for harnessing all that energy!
So coaches and owners, if you’ve ever asked yourself these questions about the parents in your gym, you’re not alone. But I do hope you can take a moment and imagine their lives. Remember, the very little bits we see of them at the gym—that’s just one small part of their lives (more on that tomorrow though …)
What things have frustrated you about your gym parents over time? Have you had to take a moment to put yourself in their shoes? Even if you’re a parent, until you have a child their age or in their circumstances, it might be hard to really understand, but a little empathy goes a long way.
