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Episode 100: How Coaches and Owners Can Prevent and Mitigate Toxic Cheer Parents

To mark 100 episodes, Danielle Johnston takes on one of the most challenging dynamics in competitive cheer — toxic parenting — and gives coaches and gym owners a practical playbook for preventing it before it starts.

Hey guys, and welcome to the Full Out Cheer Podcast. I’m Danielle Johnston, and today we are celebrating one hundred episodes together — thank you so much for being here for every single one. On the last episode, I sat down with Kristen Wheeler from the Cheer Mom Podcast and we talked about toxic parenting. But if you know me, you know I had way more to say than what we had time for. So today, I’m speaking directly to coaches and gym owners about how you can prevent and mitigate toxic cheer parents in your gym.

What Does a Toxic Cheer Parent Look Like?

Let me start by defining what I consider a toxic parent, because it’s not always the loud, angry, confrontational one you might be picturing. These are people who seem like they are never happy. They don’t give positive reinforcement to coaches or owners. They tend to find negativity in things that should feel like a win — the new uniform isn’t right, the new choreography isn’t what they wanted, their child is in the back, or a new skill didn’t come fast enough.

I also want to say: I have some empathy for this. I am naturally a glass-half-empty thinker. Give me a scenario and I’ll tell you everything that could go wrong before I can tell you anything positive. I’ve had to recognize that in myself and train myself out of it. So I understand where this comes from. But when you’re on the receiving end of it as a coach or owner, you feel it deeply.

It’s walking out from your office to the gym floor and getting that sinking feeling in your stomach. Knowing that people were just saying things about your gym — your baby — the thing you’ve poured everything into. That feeling is real, and you don’t have to accept it as inevitable.

How Does It Start?

For me, years two through five were the hardest when it came to dealing with toxic parents. I was learning how to be a gym owner. Processes and policies were constantly changing. I was doing everything — neglecting my sleep, my health, my personal relationships, my mental rest. And that kind of burnout makes you short-tempered, quick to speak, slow to listen, and slow to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. I also didn’t have clear core values yet, and a lot of gyms don’t establish those until they’re already dealing with the fallout of not having them.

Most of the time, it isn’t one big moment that makes a parent toxic. It’s a series of small ones. And as a gym owner or coach, you’re often too busy to notice the shift happening — or you see it and decide to let it ride, hoping it goes away. In my experience, about 90% of the time, it does not.

Common triggers include a parent feeling their child is being overlooked or not progressing quickly enough, financial investment that creates unrealistic expectations, wanting control over outcomes they simply can’t control, and the comparison trap — fed heavily by social media. Everyone posts the new skill. Nobody posts the reps, the private lessons, the flexibility work, or the year it took to get there.

Warning Signs to Watch For

Coaches and owners, here are some yellow and red flags to be aware of. First, if a parent’s entire world seems to revolve around cheer — every social media post, every conversation — ask yourself: can I have a conversation with this parent about something other than cheer without it circling back? Can I ask how their vacation was without hearing about missed practice? That inability to step outside the sport is a signal worth noting.

If every practice ends with a private interrogation, that’s another flag — though I want to be fair here. There is a difference between a parent asking a genuine question and a parent who keeps asking the same question after you’ve already answered it clearly and repeatedly. If a parent knows more about other athletes and their progress than their own child’s, pay attention. If a parent is consistently going to other parents with concerns instead of bringing them to you, that’s a red flag. And if a parent is more intense about cheerleading than their child is, that’s worth watching.

The key is that you have to know your parents well enough to recognize when something has changed. I had a parent last winter whose demeanor shifted noticeably, and I was worried it was about cheer. I sat down with her to check in. As it turned out, it wasn’t cheer-related at all — she was going through something personal. I only knew to have that conversation because I knew her well enough to notice the change.

The Role Coaches and Owners Play

Here’s something that’s hard to hear: a lot of times, it’s the gym owner or coach who creates the conditions for toxic parenting to take root. Short, dismissive responses. Reactive communication. Closed-door cultures disguised as “open-door policies.” I read a post on Crazy Moms of Cheer recently where a parent raised a concern about the gym being hot and offered some possible solutions — and the owner replied curtly that nobody else had complained and they would continue practicing there. That response was immature. And it contributed directly to the tension that followed.

A better response would have acknowledged the concern, explained the safety measures already in place, and expressed genuine appreciation for the suggestions — even if none of them were going to be implemented. When a parent offers a complaint alongside potential solutions, that’s the only kind of complaint I want. Take the time to respond to it with the same level of thoughtfulness.

Here’s the gauge I use: am I spending more time defending my decisions than I am planning for practice? If yes, one of two things is happening. Either I’m not communicating proactively enough — I’m playing defense instead of offense — or I genuinely have a toxic parent on my hands. Playing offense means giving parents a heads-up in advance. It means saying, “Your child hasn’t thrown her back handspring yet. Here’s my plan, here’s what I’m asking you to do at home, and here’s what we’ll do together.” When you do that, you eliminate the need for them to come to you frustrated.

Also — don’t say you have an open-door policy if every time a parent walks in you’re too busy to give them your full attention. Consider office hours instead. Give parents a link to schedule a fifteen-minute appointment. Provide structured opportunities for constructive, named feedback rather than anonymous surveys. Anonymous feedback gives you nowhere to go when the feedback is negative.

Advocacy or Toxicity? A Rapid-Fire Breakdown

I had a list of rapid-fire questions I wanted to run by Kristen Wheeler on the last episode but didn’t have time for, so I’m answering them myself.

Asking why their athlete isn’t tumbling or flying in a routine: Generally advocacy — unless you’ve already addressed it clearly and they keep asking. Parents, it’s okay to say “Hey, she does have tumbling. Just letting you know in case you need her.” That’s helpful. Demanding to know is not.

Texting coaches after every practice: Mostly toxic. A quick logistical question is fine. Recurring concerns via text after every single practice is not.

Discussing concerns with other parents instead of the coach: Toxic. If your concern never makes it to the person who can actually address it, it’s not advocacy — it’s drama.

Videoing every skill and full out: Usually advocacy. If the intent is to show your child their own progress or help them learn visually, that’s valuable. If it’s to compare your athlete to someone else’s, that’s toxic.

Asking for feedback: Always advocacy. Coaches, don’t make a parent feel toxic for asking how their child can improve. Answer the question and welcome it.

Comparing athletes’ progress: Usually toxic. Two athletes who started at the same time, take the same classes, and are on the same team are still not the same athlete. You have no idea what one of them did at open gym or how many reps they put in outside of practice. Coaches can help here by better educating parents on what drives progress: strength, technique, flexibility, and reps.

Giving opinions about gym policies: Can be advocacy — if it’s constructive, timely, and in the right environment. If it comes right after violating the policy, it’s toxic.

Advocating for another athlete: Generally more advocacy than toxicity — depends heavily on the intent.

Advocating for another parent: Toxic. If you say “We all feel this way” or “She agrees with me,” my response is going to shift immediately. I’m not here to talk about how someone else feels. I’m here to talk about how you feel. Every adult should be advocating for themselves and their own child. When someone uses a “multiplier” like “everyone thinks,” it shuts down productive conversation. Coaches and owners, be prepared for how you’re going to respond when that happens.

How to Handle It: Practical Steps for Coaches and Owners

First, model the behavior you want. If you’re responding poorly, some parents are simply mirroring your behavior back to you. Be the most positive, professional person in the building at all times. Then you can expect it from others.

Second, teach your parents how to communicate professionally. On the last episode, Kristen mentioned encouraging parents to use ChatGPT to help them draft constructive emails. Honestly, even if I can tell it was written by ChatGPT, I appreciate the attempt. It tells me that parent is trying to be professional, even if they’re not feeling it.

Third, reassess your policies. Some of your policies are outdated. Some came from a Facebook group post by someone with no real credibility, and you adopted them without asking the right questions. If parents are pushing back constantly, it may not be them — it might be a policy that’s genuinely not working. Fix it. That is one of the most powerful things you can do to prevent toxicity.

And finally, start the season with positivity. One of my favorite things to do is make sure every athlete gets a shout-out at the start of summer — something specific and true about what they’ve been doing well. Not just “Her heel stretch is great,” but “She is so encouraging to her teammates. It lifts the whole team up. Thank you for raising someone like that.” When the first thing a parent hears from you is something wonderful about their child, you’ve built a foundation. And when harder conversations come in November or December, you already have that relationship to stand on.

The Best Seasons Have Nothing to Do With Winning

I can think of two teams off the top of my head that were my absolute favorites to coach. Neither of them won consistently. What made them my favorites was the parents. They were great communicators. If they had a concern, they came to me proactively. I was playing offense all season. After a last-place finish at a competition, I’d pull those parents together and say: here’s what the scores told us, here’s my plan, here’s our goal — help me with it.

For parents listening to this: if you make it the best team that child has ever been on, it’s going to be a great season — regardless of level or wins. That’s entirely within your power. The athlete’s experience belongs to them. But how you show up as their parent shapes it more than almost anything else.

And for coaches — if you want your parents’ best, play offense. Be proactive. Be positive. Tell parents when their kids are doing something great. The relationship you build at the start of the season is the same one you’ll be drawing on when the harder moments come.

Thank you so much for joining me on this special hundredth episode. If you’d like to learn more about building a strong gym culture with great profitability and a positive team environment, check out the Cheer Coaches Handbook, written by me, Danielle Johnston, along with Dan Cotton and Jeff Benson. It includes discussion questions and worksheets you can work through with your staff. And head over to CheerbizAccelerator.com to learn about our upcoming Cheerbiz Accelerator events happening across the US and Canada this fall. I would love to see you there.

If you enjoyed this episode of the Full Out Cheer Podcast, make sure you head over to our Facebook groups — Cheer Gym Owners for our gym owners, and All-Star Cheer Coaches and Owners for those who also love getting on the mat and coaching. Thank you so much for listening, and I will see you next week for another episode.